Even I
by Dancing Feather
Summary: Parasyte Oneshot: You humans say you are the only animals on this planet that have emotions, but when it comes to testing drugs for anxiety and depression the first thing it's tested on is mice and pigs.


The characters in this belong to the manga Parasyte which was created by Hitoshi Iwaaki. If you spot any spelling or grammatical errors feel free to correct me. This is set near the end of the series.

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**Even I**

I do not hear it, but the feeling of bells being played echoes in your muscles. Blood pulsing, I turn another page on the desk. Twenty-three pages until I reach the end. And aside from the requirements to live; breathing, heart beating, you haven't moved from were you drifted on the bed. It's been awhile since you have slept so peacefully, and it might be awhile more before you will be able to again.

Thanks to you, I have read many books. Borrowing, renting and loaning has given me a great sense of whereabouts. But there are times when the books you have given me read too quickly. Those nights, like this night, I have to satisfy myself with other source material. I told myself it was still research as I pulled one of the many multicolored books from your shelf. A different sort of study.

The book contained no facts in it's words and yet, in a way, they hold more thoughts than the book talking of the Meiji era and other histories. I have read many things on what humans do, but very little on why or how. This little book I have been reading, talking about people and places that do not exist, lost me. I do not care about the person who this story is centered on, but I found myself reading still.

What will happen next?

It does not matter, as none of this was real. But why was it created in the first place? It can not teach a lesson for the situation will never come to be. This book that talks about human technology becoming smart enough to take over the world, it might hold some truth to come as computers continue to advance, but how they wrote it in this book is all wrong. The computers are not acting rationally. All the actions they preform, it's as if they have feelings. Getting revenge after being enslaved by the humans all these nonexistent years? If they did not have feelings, they wouldn't care. Therefore, why would they do anything at all?

But what does that say about me and my kind? We were sent here to remove humans because of what they did to the Earth. Isn't that a revenge? We curse when things go wrong, even though it is a waste of time and energy when we could just speak information. Things that are valuable and to the point. Isn't that an expression of anger?

I told you I didn't have any emotions. I thought I didn't have any, but as I question this book I'm starting to wonder. What are emotions, really? Is it instinct? You humans say you are the only animals on this planet that have emotions, but when it comes to testing drugs for anxiety and depression the first thing it is tested on is mice and pigs. Brains, no matter what shape they are in are designed with some sort of balance. Where there is anxiety there must be peace. Where there is depression there is happiness.

Of course, I can't ask you. I can't ask anyone here if I want a truthful, un-opinionated answer. There isn't one that exists yet. I guess the best answer right now is to say, we do not have emotions like humans. Like an elephant to the lion, like the sea turtle to the eel. We think differently because of environment and interaction we are surrounded by with the flesh suit we were born in.

The dog reacts to the simulations with it's mouth because it does not have hands to move and handle objects, so we consider it barbaric and idiotic when it chews on unfamiliar objects. We will morn for different things because none of us can truly relate to one another. A wild bird who has never seen walls in it's short life is considered stupid for killing itself on a window while we ignore the frantic loud chirps of it's mate watching in horror.

I guess that means that even I by default have emotions. Parasite emotions. I must care about you because without you there is no me. When you are well, so am I. When you are hungry, so am I. When you eat junk food, you make me stressed for our health.

I believe the overall feeling is called selfish by the human language you speak. In a way, however, I feel your language is too simple. Or is it too complicated? The desire to live, can it really be labeled selfish? Either you are alive or you are not. Some humans think bodies are possessed with entities that are the 'true' us, which leave after we die. But what good are these 'souls'? Without our brains they cannot be the us we were. The braincells that hold the information of what we were are now rotting at a faster pace than alzheimers. With that information gone we are no longer who everyone thought we were. Does that mean as we are alive we are fake? This science leaves a lot of unanswered questions, but in the end is no different in leaving us just as unsatisfied as science normally does.

There are a lot of books like the one I am finishing now. Thousands upon thousands of them. Ones that don't even involve computers. Some set on whole other planets. Some involving only every other animal but human, and yet giving them a more human perspective. There are ones that contain creatures that don't even exist. Giving them their own set of emotions, thoughts and culture. Again, why I ask? But I only ask myself again. 'Art' does not have a clear definition. No human will be able to give me an answer that does not have an opinion attached.

Like this book.

In it's entirety, it is a lot of opinions surrounding one important one. The 'message' of the story I believe. Like us. I believe I have no emotions because I center all of my beliefs on facts that are in my opinion, to be true. I thought emotions had no facts to hold. Which is true, they do not hold. But they definitely play on them.

So in the end do I not have emotions or do I? Are you humans right saying you are the only ones with emotions? The only correction is that you must say you are the only ones with 'human' emotions? While the tuna has tuna emotions and the ant has ant emotions? Again, it is all different, we cannot ever truly compare. And yet, again, there is no difference.

We are all... hypocrites.

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I hope I did Migi justice.


End file.
